Spiritual Parenting - 9

REVIVING SPIRITUAL PARENTING (4)

After going through each of these stages of thinking and processing through these ideas and thoughts regarding reviving spiritual parenting, you are ready for the vital step of bringing this home to where you live: your church family and those under your spiritual care.

It is absolutely vital to do this as a team of leaders - a group of unified spiritual moms and dads - together. If Jesus is the head of the church - not just in doctrine, but in function - then He nurtures, teaches, and equips those in His family along with the help of multiple spiritual adults. He is the only alpha male, and we - together - join Him in His all-important work of raising spiritual children.

Together as a group, a team of spiritual moms and dads:

1. Make a list of each individual under your care.

2. Attempt to label which stage each individual might be in along their path of spiritual growth and development (i.e., pre-believer, baby in Christ, developing saint, maturing saint).

3. List 2-3 ministry tools that might be used to join the Lord in His work with each of these (i.e., care phone call, house call, coaching session, daily CO2, weekly COgroup, foundations Bible study, spiritual formation Bible study, etc etc).

4. Now, take time to let the Lord in on the conversation - take time together to ask Daddy (taking 15 minutes or more to engage in a practice like Virkler's) what He thinks about each individual, their current level of spiritual maturity, and what tools might be right for each. Write down what thoughts, impressions, ideas and so forth come to mind while listening to Jesus.

5. Then come together, discuss what you heard as a group, and ask the Lord together for next steps. Listen to Him again if you feel led to do so, specifically regarding next steps... finally, choose one next step you are ready and willing to take with each individual.

In the last four posts, I have attempted to detail a process of coaching a group of spiritual moms and dads into the spiritual nurturing, teaching and equipping of the saints under their care. There is much more to say and do in this all-important work into which the Lord has called us. This initial process is meant to serve as a jump-start for this understanding and practice - to initiate the conversation and the process of praying, discussing, and listening together on a regular basis as leaders, around the care of church and saints.

Spiritual Parenting - 8

REVIVING SPIRITUAL PARENTING (3)

Now that we have identified and examined some of the spiritual stages of growth and maturation, we can get to where the rubber meets the road. A parent raising healthy and growing children not only 1.) knows what level each of the children are under their care are at, 2.) has a good idea of where they would like each of their children to be next, but they also are preparing actions to help them get from where they are now to where they pray they will be next.

So, the next step in the spiritual parenting coaching process is asking ourselves, what tools do we have in our "ministry tool belt" to engage those under our care at each level in deeper growth? A good first step with is simply listing as many "ministry tools" as we can think of. Here are some examples:
-Daily CO2 (2 people, two practices, as close to daily as possible) -Weekly CO3 or CO4 (same two practices, but in person on a weekly basis together) -Through-the-Bible basics Bible study -Spiritual formation discipleship Bible study -Prayer meeting -Book club -Care call (by phone) -House call -personality test and training -coaching session -outreach group -service project -spiritual gifting test & training -teaching on a specific topic -leadership powow -Dinner meeting

Those are just a few - all of those things listed above could be considered tools in our ministry "tool belt". They are useful in building believers of all kinds up into spiritually mature saints of God. The next question - how & when do we use those tools? Let's try matching some of them up with 3 different main stages of spiritual growth - new believer, developing Christian, maturing saint:
New Believer:
-Weekly CO3 or CO4 -Through-the-Bible basics Bible study -teaching on a specific topic (such as baptism, or salvation in general) -Dinner meeting -House call

Developing Christian:
-Spiritual formation discipleship Bible study -Prayer meeting -Daily CO2 -teaching on a specific topic (such as sanctification, and spiritual warfare) -Care call

Maturing Saint:
-leadership powow -personality test and training -coaching session -outreach group -Book club -spiritual gifting test & training

So these are a few potential tools which we as spiritual parents - charged with the spiritual nurturing, teaching, and equipping of the saints under our care - have at our disposal. We now have some idea of what type of actions, activities, teachings, etc, that we can use to help those under our influence grow and develop into further spiritual health and maturity.

Getting Practical- Make a list (such as above) of all the tools you know of that might be useful for the growing of saints. Then try to match each one with appropriate levels of spiritual growth that they might best be used during.

Spiritual Parenting - 7

 REVIVING SPIRITUAL PARENTING (2)

We covered in part 1 the fact that church is like a family with both spiritual grownups (moms and dads) and spiritual children. Spiritual moms and dads have an important role to play - to work with Jesus, the Head of the family, in nurturing, teaching and equipping the spiritual children in their household. An initial step in this vital work is pinpointing where each of the saints under their care are in their stages of spiritual growth (i.e., pre-believer, baby in Christ, young saint, developing saint, mature believer, spiritual parent). The action point was to make a list of every individual in your church family and then next to each name label which stage you think they each might be in.

Step 2 - Identifying & Examining Spiritual Growth Stages

The next step in this process of reviving spiritual parenting in our midst is taking the time to name each of the main stages of spiritual growth, and then asking ourselves and Him some key questions concerning what makes each of them tick:

Pre-believer
Ask ourselves: What strengths and weaknesses do saints in this category usually have? What spiritual steps do we hope that all the pre-believers (un-believers) in our midst would take? (examples: baptism, repentance)
Ask Him: Jesus, what do you want to see happen with or to all the pre-believers you have placed among us?

Baby in Christ
Ask ourselves: What strengths and weaknesses do saints in this category usually have? What basic skills do we want a baby in Christ in our midst to develop? (examples: how to talk to God for themselves, to have their own Bible or journal)
Ask Him: Lord, what do you want to say to us about where you are taking new believers?

Young saint
Ask ourselves: What strengths and weaknesses do saints in this category usually have? What signs of growth have we seen in young saints that means they are no longer in the 'baby' category? What are the next steps in development for a young saint that we want to see them attain to? (examples: listening to Jesus - Virkler, be taught a Bible study Gen-Rev)
Ask Him: Jesus, what would you say about young saints in our midst?

Developing saint
Ask ourselves: What strengths and weaknesses do saints in this category usually have? What makes this individual a developing saint? What experiences, practices, etc. do we pray these believers will grow into next? (examples: being part of a COgroup, go through a spiritual formation Bible study) Ask Him: Daddy, what is next for the developing saints under our care?

Mature believer
Ask ourselves: What strengths and weaknesses do saints in this category usually have? What practices do we believe the more mature saints in our influence should be engaging in? What fruit do we hope to see in their lives and walks with God? (examples: Having a daily CO2 partner, daily prayer walk) Ask Him: Lord, what makes a mature believer mature - what fruit will we see in their lives?

Spiritual parent
Ask ourselves: What strengths and weaknesses do saints in this category usually have? What makes a spiritual parent a spiritual parent? What responsibilities would we hope a spiritual parent might take on? (examples: they are following Him daily completely for themselves without outside stimulus, teaching Bible studies to others, engaging others in CO2s) Ask Him: Papa, what does it mean to be a spiritual parent, and what as spiritual parents be focusing on?


In other words, we are analyzing each of these stages separately, and trying to verbalize (as well as listen to Him about) what makes each one unique - not just in general terms, but in terms of specific skills (i.e., learning to listen to Jesus, read and study scriptures for themselves), experiences (i.e., baptism, a calling experience), and practices (i.e., having a daily CO2 partner, joining in the gathering regularly). These indicators might be a little different from church to church and group to group - but the important thing is what is in our collective minds and hearts (within a given group of leaders) about attaining of these stages of growth - and what does the Lord have to say to us about these?

Getting Practical- Make a list (such as above) with at least 3 spiritual growth stages. With your group of leaders (2 or more), ask yourselves the above questions. Take time with each category to get quiet with a paper and pen in front of you, and ask the Lord each question, noting what He brings to mind and heart with each. Then share together what you are hearing from the Lord. Ask Him together for further understanding and clarity on what spiritual skills and practices are important for each stage of growth.
Next post - step 3...

Spiritual Parenting - 6

REVIVING SPIRITUAL PARENTING (1)

Just a reminder: When I say 'spiritual parenting', I am talking about grassroots discipleship - caring for new converts, teaching and nurturing developing saints, and training and equipping spiritual leaders (making disciples). Re-learning and revitalizing this all-important work is why this blog exists.

Reviving spiritual parenting - Pt 1

Last week I felt that the Lord laid on me a process for a team of spiritual leaders to follow in revitalizing this all-important work in and among their church families! I can't thank the Lord enough - something simple, practical and organic. Over the next several posts, I hope to outline this coaching process step by step - and maybe make some personal real-life observations along the way. May the Lord grant your church family a revival of spiritual parenting.

Step 1: Understand the metaphor

Wise and healthy parents in the physical world have a difficult, yet important job in the development of the children in their household. They must A) Observe and pinpoint where each of their children are in the process of human development, and then B) take proper parenting steps in helping each child successfully reach the next level of growth. In other words, where are each of my children in their separate stages of physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual growth, and how can I teach, nurture, and equip them for that next level of development?

For example, my two-year-old daughter Gracie is at a post-toddler stage - she is physically healthy (but a somewhat lactose intolerant from what we can tell), potty trained (but still needs a pull-up during sleep times), knows how to use a fork to feed herself, knows her numbers up to 15 or so (as well as her basic colors), and is comfortable being left at preschool for a couple of hours twice a week. My job as a parent is to help Gracie learn and develop into the next stage of growth - this might include taking steps to manage her lactose intolerance, help her graduate from pull-ups, teach her to use a spoon and a normal cup while drinking, work with her on her numbers up to 50 and learning the alphabet, and on staying with a sitter or at school for longer periods of time.

As parents, we have pinpointed where she is at in her development and are thinking about what comes next so that we can help her get there. The same with our 9-year-old boy and our twelve-year-old pre-teen (going on 18) - they each have next steps in their human development as they grow to adults. With our 9-year-old that might be improving his reading, brushing and flossing his teeth better, and getting his chores done without being asked. With our twelve year old, it is starting to learn basic money management, learning the value and importance of hard work, and boundaries with girls and how to be a gentleman.

This same process just may apply to good spiritual parenting.

We must look at all of the members of our spiritual household, pinpoint where they are at in their individual spiritual formation, and start thinking and praying about next steps.

Getting Practical- List all of the brothers and sisters in your church family on a sheet of paper - next to each, label where they might be at in their individual spiritual formation. Various terms could be used to describe the process of spiritual growth and maturity of course - but here is my set (in order): Pre-believer, baby in Christ, young saint, developing saint, mature believer, spiritual parent. Start thinking and praying about what the next spiritual steps might be for each of these individuals.

Key Bible passage - John 21:15-17 - Jesus charges Peter to "Feed His lambs", "Take care of His sheep", and "Feed His sheep" - although some english versions of the Bible read the same phrase all three time ("Feed my sheep") each one of these charges actually carries with it a different combination of Greek words. Caring for younger lambs, and feeding for mature sheep, etc - quite possibly a picture of nurturing, teaching, and equipping spiritual children and families in their various stages of growth and receptiveness.

PASS IT ON - If this post was a blessing to you, please take a moment to recommend it to someone else - link to it on facebook or twitter perhaps - especially anyone you know in any kind of position of spiritual leadership. Thanks so much!

Spiritual Parenting - 5

TEAM PLAYING - A WHOLE NEW BALL GAME

I grew up in a church where the same minister was in the pulpit teaching and preaching every service. I have fond memories of the sound of my grandfather's voice coming from the "altar" (the raised area, or stage) in front of the church - proclaiming the Word of God with boldness, faith and conviction. I grew up in and was saved by this faithful ministry and for that I am eternally grateful. I would not be here were it not for that faithful man and his steadfast heart.

Now that I am a pastor, however, I am grateful that I am not the only one expected to carry on the work of the ministry each week - it is a new game that I am in, and I wouldn't have it any other way. In our church family, the spiritually mature saints work together to minister. Just as there are two parents in a healthy human family, so more than one spiritual parent functioning fully in a household of God makes a world of difference in the health of a church. This is a hallmark of organic church life and growth. No one branch bears all of the weight of the smaller branches, leaves, and fruit. Many strong and aged branches bear the weight of the new life of the tree. Each branch (mature saint) does its part as it draws its strength from the trunk and root system (Christ) and bears a reasonable weight of smaller branches, leaves, and fruit (the good works, the new believers and developing saints).

It is all too easy when planting an organic church family to fall into the rut of one or two branches bearing all the weight. Unless strategic effort is made by the initial leader or leaders of a church to share the ministry and raise up others like him or herself from the start, this rut is nigh unavoidable. One leader shouldering all the responsibility stunts the growth of other capable leaders, dwarfs the growth of the church as a whole, and only burns out the leader. But how do we avoid this trap if we don't know any other way? What must a leader do to truly share the ministry with his fellow spiritual moms and dads in the group?

A few suggestions from our experience:

-Don't make any decision in the church family without engaging your fellow spiritual parents in the decision-making process. Whether the decision is small (whose house to meet at, what time to meet, how to handle the food) or large (what to do during the meeting, what direction the church is heading, how to care for the saints) make the decision together. This commitment takes time and effort - calling and chatting about issues, patiently sharing differing opinions in effort to come to consensus, and being willing to give up our own way in favor of one-another's. But in my experience it is a worthy investment of time and effort that will not return void.

-Share the facilitation of the gathering as soon as possible. Any group where the same individual is being looked to for direction and guidance over and over again during each meeting is a group that will not be able to sustain its growth. The longer one individual is the leader, the harder it will be to break that habit. Much better for a leader to equip others in the group to take turns facilitating from the start. A pattern of shared ministry, equality under Christ, and reproducing leadership within the body is set and brings forth much fruit. Plus, when no one person is looked to week after week for guidance, Christ can better be the functional head of the house.

-Share the care of the saints. Usually the visionary leader of a group is the one who holds it together week after week and acts as the magnet which draws the group together. He or she makes the phone calls, sends the invites, and encourages the others during the week. How much better if each spiritual parent in the group shares these responsibilities and this magnetism. Each magnet is drawing the younger ones in Christ to the group, and Christ is glorified as the ultimate magnet, drawing all to himself.

Time for me to share my first practical tool for shared ministry: A weekly powow for the care of the church and saints. What if the main leader of a church family invited a fellow spiritual parent in their household to join them in a weekly prayer and share time which focuses on the group as a whole (where is the Lord leading our church? what is He doing? what is working and what is not? what should we be doing when we come together?) as well as focusing on each individual (where is each individual within our household of God in their spiritual formation? what tools do we have in our ministry toolbelt to help these saints at differing levels of growth to develop further? what practical actions should we prayerfully take with each to join the Lord where He is working in them?)

Get together once each week - for coffee, dinner, a long walk in the park, or on a focused phone-call with the other spiritual parents in the group for this vital powow. If you are a church leader already deep into the rut of your church family depending on you alone for leadership and ministry, ask the Lord for help. Then invite any willing leaders - even one other - to get together to discuss and help you pray and listen on behalf of the church. Even a leader and one other person working together to lead the church family is better than one. This group will grow!

Team playing - it makes spiritual parenting a whole new (more joyful and effective) ballgame.

Spiritual Parenting - 4

CARE FOR THE SAINTS - Cont...

(Pt 2 - Continued from last post)
To draw a parallel, the care for the saints might be compared to raising healthy children within the home, and making disciples compared to deciding who will help run the family business beyond the child-rearing days. With the former, you have a God-given responsibility to nurture and care for them regardless of their level of faithfulness and commitment. With the latter, a God-given responsibility to be highly selective about who to consider for the job training.

Children, you see, are by nature usually often NOT faithful, available, or teachable. Especially in certain natural phases of growth (like when they are infants or toddlers... or teenagers - go figure). If I am looking for FATness in my 3 children before committing to parent them, I am going to be waiting a long time. No - my job as a parent is to effectively parent them INTO FATness - through the easy times and hard times - to nurture, teach and equip them regardless, so that they might become FAT.

When however, my children are older and I am looking over them to see which I should select to eventually take over the family business or help lead and nurture the family itself, a different approach is taken. I am looking to mentor and apprentice those who are proven FAT (faithful, available, and teachable). Those who have not proven these qualities are probably not going to change any time soon, and I don't want to waste my time.

I wonder if it is similar with spiritual parenting - with spiritual leadership. I wonder if at times we have approached new converts as if they were spiritual adults and left them alone only to die on the vine, and other times we have spent time pulling teeth with spiritual adults who are still living at home and not willing to change.

All this to say: I have seen in the house churches I have been a part of a lack of knowing what our job is as spiritual moms and dads. We organize meetings, facilitate gatherings, and keep our church families intact while we watch and wait for spiritual growth to take place. And often it is not. How could it, if we are not feeding them? How could it, if we are not training, nurturing, and equipping them for more growth?

Children MUST be fed - diapers must be changed, bedtimes kept, and booboos bandaged up. Lots of hugs must be given and lots of "I love yous" and "Im proud of yous" said. Teaching moments must be taken advantage of, sleepless nights had, and a lot of resources spent. A LOT of sacrificing must happen by caring parents for their children to have any hope of growing up tall and strong and self-sustaining. So it is in the spiritual - Bible studies must be taught, scriptures must be expounded on one-on-one. Inconvenient phone calls must be taken, late-night prayer sessions must be had, and many prayerful tears must be shed. Many prayer-and-share meetings must take place over coffee, desert, or dinner - where spiritual questions are answered, doctrine is solidified, and spiritual counseling and coaching is happening regularly. A lot of spiritual trial and error must be overseen by wise spiritual parents who constantly sacrifice - their time, resources, and emotions - for the sake of the spiritual growth and maturity of the spiritual children under their care.

So I think that a different approach must be taken in parenting spiritual children within a local church (anyone and everyone the Lord has brought into our church family) - we parent them in spite of their lack of FATness, so that they might grow up into FATness. When making disciples who make disciples (mentoring and coaching the next generation of the leaders of the church), we are looking for the ones who are already FAT to invest in further.

Have we provided this type of care for those in our church families? Have we stopped to ask ourselves and the Lord where the various ones in our church families are in their process of spiritual growth? And are we truly willing to engage in the sacrificial spiritual parenting that is necessary to grow spiritual children into spiritual adults?

Spiritual Parenting - 3

THE CARE FOR THE SAINTS

This topic and burden has been on my heart for a long time, and is a theme lately in my learning process with the Lord. After all, another term for spiritual parenting - the nurturing, teaching, and equipping of spiritual children - is indeed, "The care for the saints". What do good parents do, but "care" for their children? We as spiritual parents also must "care for" the saints the Lord has entrusted to our care.

As a father of three children in everyday life, my job is to love on them, nurture them, teach them, affirm them, lead and guide them - all regardless of their stage in growth, regardless of their receptivity, regardless of their faithfulness and willingness. I could have the worst kids in the world and I would still be expected to love and care for them through it all - because I am their dad. It is my job, my calling, and my God-given responsibility - they were born into my family, they share my last name, and they depend on me for everything - so I MUST care for them.

So with spiritual children - those in my spiritual household MUST be cared for. This is the spirit in which I think Jesus told Peter so intensely to "Feed my sheep". We also remember that when Jesus looked at the multitudes, he had compassion on them because they were "like sheep without a shepherd." Those within the household of God - especially the younger ones, desperately need spiritual care. They will - more often than not - die without it. They need teaching, they need affirmation and love, and they need equipping and preparation.

All that to get to what is more specifically on my heart... I think that many of us have adopted an approach - an approach that I don't think was meant for basic spiritual parenting - and used it unwittingly in parenting our spiritual children. That approach is one of making disciples - setting a bar of discipleship, watching for faithfulness, and working with the ones who show themselves faithful (FAT - faithful, available, and teachable). After all, Jesus did this - he called many to follow Him, but only a few were willing to pay the price. Those who weren't willing went on their way - and those who were willing (who were FAT) got His time and attention. Although I don't think this same approach was meant for the care of saints by spiritual "moms and dads" within the context of a local "vibrant family of Jesus."

I think a different mindset must be adapted when dealing with the care of the saints the Lord has set under our care in our churches. For the sake of differentiating terms, I will call one "The care for the saints", and I will call the other, "The making of disciples". Now I know that those concepts are interconnected and perhaps not meant to be separated - but regardless I believe two different approaches just might apply with these two different phases of spiritual growth and maturity.

(continued in a day or two...)